dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
