Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
