walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
