I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
