I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
