I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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