yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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