Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
