remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
