Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
