Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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