how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
