chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
