I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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