she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think a kid would responsible me up
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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