I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
