Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
