I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
