I love black thongs
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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