my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
