I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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