I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
