I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
