Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
