So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
