I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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