Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
