Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
