Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
