I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just tell him i said nine months
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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