11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Someone came in the potted fern
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
