your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
