her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
