how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we're making bets on your personal life
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize