When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
