My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
