someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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