You're a womanizer and a bitch.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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