i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
