exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
