you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
