I wish my penis had an off switch
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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