Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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