they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
