chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
