I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you have to choose: penises or morals?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
