Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
