I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
