u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
