I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize