ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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