As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She bit a glass in half.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize