The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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