Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
