is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
