hotel room ftw
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
