I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
