I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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