just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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