she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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