You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
