How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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