We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
