Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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