WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
