He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
