i need an iv and a liver transplant
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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