u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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