We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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