we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
