Pappa wants mamma naked
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
