there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
