i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
