FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
