hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
