I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
