i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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