I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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