so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
