Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
