i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
