What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
