My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
