highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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