in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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