so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
