smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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