I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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