the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize