i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
