Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
