Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
