I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
