May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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