He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your shirt... Was in my pants
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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