i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
