i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
