It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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