I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
