She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
