dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
