Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
