I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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