I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
