She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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